| | It is time once again for yet another invention of The Creatrix. You've seen the Severely Altered Story Hour, and the all-infamous Phobia of the Day--now I shall introduce The Creatrix's Inventive Machine Minute. The following scripts are for use on answering machine messages, if you couldn't already ascertain from the title. Anyone who is feeling ambitious is free to use these on their own answering machines--my only request is that you let me know so I can call you and laugh at it.
Inventive Message Minute #1:
The War Against Sir Jakesalot
*for this message, one should have recordings of war explosions, screams, and gunfire to be played in the background.*
*war sounds begin* Gamma team, cover us, cover us, they're attacking our flanks!!
Sorry, but I can't answer the phone right now; I'm helping out in the battle against the evil Sir Jakesalot. *explosions intensify* Yikes! I can't talk long, but I'll get back to you! Just leave your name and number, or call me sometime later at [contact's number] as long as we win this war! *pause* Oh, and if we happen to... well... not win this war, you can still contact me at 354 cell block B-6, Jakesalot Bastion and Penitentiary, in the United States of Jakeland! Whatever the case, catch ya later! *beep*
Inventive Message Minute #2:
The Answer That Answers Back
*for this message, one should have someone other than one's self, preferably of the opposite gender, to record this message*
Hello! *pause* I'm [contact's name]'s answering machine! *mockingly* ..Yes, yes, I know--it's not proper for an answering machine to actually respond to the caller--we're supposed to be all, *in whiny voice* "Hi, I'm generic caller! I'm not here right now, so please leave a message after the beep!" *annoyingly* BEEEP! Bah! I'll be having none of that! Besides, I know you'd rather talk to me than [contact's name], right? Right? *sigh*Yeah, that's the life of an answering machine.... Whatever.... Leave a message and I'll relay it to [contact's name]... if I feel like it. Stupid no-good callers, "I-don't-wanna-talk-to-the-answering-machine" little cheats, all they ever do is--
*beep*
Inventive Message Minute #3:
The Beep Shop
*for this message, one needs many different beeps to be played in the background, possibly even a recording of the beep of the person's individual answering machine*
*flurry of the beeps in the background* Hellooo! Yeah, sorry, I can't come to the phone right now; I'm a little too busy working on my Beep Shop. I know, I hadn't told you I own a beep shop, but I was going to tell you! Everyone laughed at me when I said I was starting a beep shop... little did they know how profits would soar once rap was invented! Oh well, their loss. Hey, leave a message after the--
*beep*
*silence*
...Oh, I'm terribly sorry. *beeps in background continue* Wrong beep. Yeah, so anyway, you've reached [contact's name] at [contact's number], so if you feel--
*beep*
*silence*
...Hey, cool, my pizza's done! One second... *beeps in background continue* *narrator continues, chewing food* So anyway, at the sound of the... er... beep, leave me a message, okay?
*beep*
But not that one.
*beep*
Probably not that one either.
*beep*
And definitely not that one.
*beep*
That's it for this week's installment of The Creatrix's Inventive Message Minutes for now, but I assure you, there are more to come.
Phobia of the week: Phonophobia- Fear of noises or voices or one's own voice; of telephones.
Feel free to invent any of your own messages, as well! Have a nice day.
~The Creatrix
*beep*
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| | Posted 12/20/2005 6:13 PM - 1 View - 14 eProps - 8 comments
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